My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
