He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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