Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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