It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
