My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
