Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
