because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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