She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
