margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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