I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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