i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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