I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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