Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
