your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
