Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
