things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
