PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
