Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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