Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
