I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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