Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
