goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
