OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
