OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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