just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
