i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
