Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
