i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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