No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
