You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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