i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
