If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
