everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
