What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
