Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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