He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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