I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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