I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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