I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
