I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
