he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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