and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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