i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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