I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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