ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
