Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
