Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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