2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
