Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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