I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
