You can't motorboat a personality
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
