I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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