there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't turn off my feet"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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