Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
