What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
