No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
